Quiet Chaos
by WickedSong
Summary: "If you were here beside me, instead of in New York, in the arms you said you'd never leave." Klaine angst set when Kurt goes to New York, leaving Blaine behind. Strictly a oneshot.


**Quiet Chaos,  
**

**Written by WickedSong.**

**Disclaimer/Note : So yeah, don't own Glee, FOX do. This is my first shot at a Klaine fic and it's angsty!Klaine and mostly Blaine angst over their forced separation while Kurt is in NY, which I assume is going to happen in s4. Inspired and loosely based on the song 'New York' by the indescribable, Snow Patrol. The first time I heard this I immediately thought Klaine, so please enjoy. **

* * *

The punching bag was everything; every negative word, every feeling of self-loathing or a lack of self-worth. It was his father, his brother, every person who had tried to tear him down. But while the punching bag had always been these things for as long as he could remember, this October morning it was something not exactly new but not exactly familiar, something which had been burgeoning and eating him up inside; distance.

A gap he couldn't bridge between Lima and New York. A gap which kept him angry, confused and lonely. Raising his fists again he continued to attack the bag, with unbridled fury inside. Why couldn't he just close the distance between them? Why couldn't it just be a little easier?

Kurt had left for New York and NYADA, for his dream near the end of August, with Rachel and Finn in tow. Blaine had kissed and hugged his boyfriend goodbye, holding on for as long as he could, as Kurt renewed his promise that he would never say goodbye to him - not for good, and not forever. A plane ride away would keep them separated but nothing could break the bond that kpt their hearts joined.

For the full month of September that had been enough. They had been texting, emailing, talking on Skype and video chat; Blaine had even sent a handwritten letter, knowing Kurt would appreciate the romantic nature of the note. But then his senior year had started and so had Kurt's first year of college; Blaine still could remember, bitterly so, that on the first week of September and their, what they always called, temporary farewell, they had communicated every day and by the third week they had talked twice. Neither of them were to blame and that was what made it harder for Blaine. That he couldn't be angry at anyone about it.

It was _life_, unfair life. They hadn't been the first victims of the tragedy of distance and they certainly wouldn't be the last but Blaine almost couldn't believe the overriding ache he felt in his chest when he realised his boyfriend, the person he loved, wasn't a short drive away, when he realised that trying to get time to speak was almost always ruled out because of hectic schedules which somehow seemed to clash.

And now it was October, and October had been as bad as the end of September so far, the times they had to talk dwindling dramatically, so much so that a text he had sent to Kurt had remained unanswered for two days - a record for them since the beginning of their relationship. He hit the punching bag again, and then steadied it, keeping his hands on it as it swung from side to side. He was breathing heavily, taking a moment and lifted his head to see the clock, alerting him that it was nearly time for the first bell.

He let go of the bag and went to the gym locker; changing into his clothes for school, unintentionally slamming the door shut, thoughts of his predicament racing through his head. He trusted Kurt, Kurt was the one thing that kept him sane, but that didn't stop him wondering if he had found something better. Blaine could admit he wasn't the most realistic person in the world, he rushed into things without thinking straight sometimes, he could admit that, but even he knew that most people didn't end up with the person they dated in high school forever, no matter how many promises had been made.

Had he hoped they could be the exception? Of course. It had been his greatest wish. But one that was becoming more and more unlikely. He wondered how he would survive a full year of feeling like this - and knew, somehow, that Kurt was having the same doubts. They were only a month into this long distance thing and it was difficult, full of roadblocks and obstacles. He wished he could talk to Kurt.

As the bell rang he took one last look at his phone, checking his messages.

Nothing new.

As it had been since five minutes ago when he had last checked. He met up with Tina and Artie as they were heading to homeroom and smiled to his friends; friends he wouldn't have had the honour of meeting had Kurt not walked into his life. The thought of Kurt made his smile slip a little. Tina was smiling, Tina was happy, Tina was positively thriving as a senior and Mike had been away at college for about the same time as Kurt had. They made this long distance thing look easy and Blaine wondered why he and Kurt just couldn't do the same.

They hadn't argued about it yet but the tension lay simmering under the surface, and it was about ready to explode, the result of one word text messages, Blaine had even sent a simple 'K,' back to him when he had been in an awful mood and while they had navigated themselves out of that quarrel, Kurt's reluctance to answer this message let him know it was all going to come to a head soon. How he wished he could run and hide to last year when he thought of that.

Last year, when he walked into McKinley High, in normal clothes, not his Dalton blazer, grinning at Kurt, telling him he couldn't bear to be away from the person he loved, a year ago when they stood by each other as they were rivals for the lead in West Side Story, how much pride Kurt had in him, how the other boy had forgiven him when he had been a jerk when he had expected - and would not have blamed him for walking away. Last year when they had shared their first time and managed to successfully stay together while falling apart under Sebastian's constant pursuit of Blaine. The slushie, Kurt's support when Cooper had been in town...

Last year was last year; so simple, so easy, at least in comparison to the here and now.

When Tina sent him a smile during homeroom, he knew she was telling him, somehow that it was alright, and it was then that he realised that it wasn't easy for her and Mike, it was hard as well, she had just been able to cope with it better. He could never tell her enough how much he admired her for that, for her strength, so he sent her a reassuring smile back, hoping that sent the message along, loud and clear.

* * *

He had been right. It was all falling apart from under them and the culmination of a month's worth of silence and distance was unfolding that night, Blaine laying on his bed, clutching his phone in his hand, Kurt on the other end.

"All I'm saying is that if you were here-"

"Well, I'm not there, am I? What is it? Do you resent me? Resent New York?" Kurt spat back, venom clearly in his voice.

Blaine hated to admit that he did, a little bit. He was happy for Kurt, and so proud, the kind of pride that he couldn't contain, that made him want to jump on top of a rooftop and shout out to the world about the boy he loved and all he had accomplished. But he had a selfish side, as every human being did, that selfish side wanting Kurt to be right next to him, for always. Something that was not possible. He didn't know what to say as he could hear Kurt fuming over the phone, furious at him.

"Well, what is it, Blaine?" the counter-tenor asked. "It's only been a month." The softness in his previously hostile voice took him by surprise. So much that Blaine regretted ever thinking that he resented New York. How could he resent something that made Kurt so happy?

"It'll get better," assured Blaine, trying to sound as confident as he could.

"But...but what if it-"

"It'll get better," repeated Blaine.

"You know I love you-"

"Kurt, what're you doing?" he asked, jumping up from his bed, pacing the floor nervously, until he finally stood in front of the mirror, his arm leaning on the cupboard in front of him, as he held the phone to his ear, Kurt now silent on the other end.

He heard him take a shaky breath, letting him know he was still on the other end, but maybe just barely, not having the courage to hang up or speak up and ending up doing nothing instead.

Blaine didn't know where to go from here either.

"Please don't do what I think you are," pleaded Blaine, trying his best to not sound like a child. "This-this is just a rough patch, you know that. If we didn't feel so lousy now it wouldn't feel half as good when we reunite." He gave a small chuckle, trying his best to lighten the mood.

It did not work.

"But Blaine-"

"_Please_." Again, he sounded like a child but what did he care? They were slipping away from each other and there was no way he could reach out and show Kurt it would be all okay, he couldn't hold his hand, couldn't kiss his cheek, couldn't kiss him, couldn't hug him or feel the intimacy they had in previous months.

Why did they think this was going to be easy.

"The fire is going out, Blaine, you know that," Kurt said, Blaine aware of how strong he had to make himself sound. He understood the words perfectly. This back and forth was driving him mad, sending him in a frenzy in his mind, constantly trying to figure things out.

It had been a _month_ and he had to constantly remind himself that that had been the seemingly short time they had been had things become this screwed up?

"Hey, what about your promise?" the younger boy asked, his voice soft. "We've fought through so much already. What's distance when you have love?"

Kurt gave a wry chuckle. "Using my words against me, huh?"

Blaine had to smile sadly at this, knowing this was their last conversation, already knowing that they had given up, and it wasn't that they hadn't fought or tried to fight, it was just the fighting became so unbearable sometimes, and when the person you needed to hold you up couldn't be there throughout it all, the fight almost didn't seem worth it.

Like you'd much rather become swept away by the feelings that overwhelmed you rather than face them.

"Is this us over then? After everything? I miss you so damn much you know that, I miss everything, even the hard times, because you were here and we could face it together," he put his face in his hands, even though he knew Kurt couldn't see him, mostly to stifle sobs so his parents wouldn't hear.

"We can't anymore," Kurt told him. "We have to be practical. I've had to become practical, Blaine. Please understand."

"I don't think I'll ever understand."

Those were only words. He understood more than Kurt could possibility imagine.

"I'm sorry."

"So am I," he replied curtly, unfairly even. What did it matter?

Blaine hung up. A day later he and Kurt both changed their facebook status' from 'in a relationship' to 'single' to the quiet sadness of their fellow glee friends. Blaine also rid any reminder of him from his mind, his life, putting all possessions that were from or reminded him of his ex-boyfriend (how was he ever going to get used to saying that) in a box in his cupboard.

But he couldn't forget the one thing he had clung to, like a prayer, to God, if He existed, if He would listen to him, if He would grant this one wish.

Kurt's words.

_"Remember, I'm never saying goodbye to you. Distance may keep us apart but you have my heart and hey, what's distance when you have love?"_

And what Blaine would deny to everyone, even himself, that every night, he still silently prayed, not knowing to who or what, but just prayed, that one day those words would be enough.

* * *

**For people who've read my fics before you know I revel in the angst, it what's I do best. For people who haven't, I'm sorry you had to find out about my insane thirst for angst this way. I don't have a follow up planned for this, mostly because I don't know where I'd take it following this, sorry. Just know that I do see Klaine being an endgame and being together, so in my mind they do somehow reunite. Maybe one day I'll write it.**

**Hope you enjoyed my first attempt at Klaine and hopefully it wasn't OOC or terrible or anything bad :)**

**WickedSong x**


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